9th
Good morning, baby
I first fell asleep around 7 last night. The radio from downstairs woke me up around 8; I went down, turned it off, and headed back up to bed. Not too long after that, I fell blissfully asleep again. “Work tomorrow at 630,” I thought. “Wouldn’t it be great to get 9 hours of sleep!”
Wishful thinking.
At 230, I woke up with an intense headache at the base of my skull. “Notttt again.” After fighting it for a little bit, I decided to pop a tylenol. The headache went away soon after, but I was- of course- unable to fall back asleep. Admittedly, this is partly due to my late night internet addiction. Around 6 o’clock I began to realize that even if I fell asleep, Id have to wake up soon anyway.
My alarm went off at 6:32. I heard some gurgling noises through the monitor, but ignored them, praying that baby was just tossing around and would stay asleep.
Wishful thinking.
Around 6:38, James stood up in his crib, forlornly babbling toward god knows what. I went down to scoop him up. He cried, because I was obviously not the person he wanted to see. He knew mommy was there somewhere (in the shower), and he only woke up in hopes she’d come get him. I changed his swollen diaper, grabbed his stuffed animal, and marched him up to my room. He never falls back asleep anymore, but hey, a girl’s gotta try.
Twenty minutes later, I heard snores through my earplugs. James had fallen asleep! Hallelujah, alert the press!! He has previously been tossing around, though rather quietly, and I had no idea if he would pass out or begin babbling. Once he starts talking to himself, once he stands up, once he tries to get off the bed, it’s hopeless.
There is little in this world that is more special than a baby sleeping beside you. At one point, James laid his hand on top of mine. I don’t normally like people touching me, but this was truly awesome. I stayed as still as possible, fighting my body’s desire to change positions. Then I, too, fell asleep.
For an hour, there we lie; he holding Monkey and I with Tug. I felt like a kid and a caretaker at the same time. These are the moments I treasure as a nanny: Those times when you feel both needy and needed; it is the kind of paradox we feel only within relationships. It is the kind of paradox that gives us reason to continue living.
